Highschool

I graduated from highschool early. I was scheduled to gradute highschool in '03 because I started my school career in 1990. However, the closer we got to 2003 the more I wanted to graduate early. The second semester of my junior year of highschool, I decided that I would graduate early. The downfall to deciding this late was that I wouldnt get to walk in May with all the other '02 graduates, I would have to attend summer school and walk in a small cermony in August of '02. I told myself that this was ok, and to be perfectly honest Im still ok with it. When asked back then why I decided to graduate early I told people that I wanted to get to college faster, I only had one actual class left to take, why waste a whole year when I could finish it in six weeks over the summer. So, I did this. I told everyone that was the reason I was leaving early and basically the only reason I was leaving early. That was a lie. There were so many reasons for me wanting to leave highschool early. Its true, I did want to be out of there and start college and all that good crap, but I also felt that to keep my new found relationship I needed to be in the same place he was. Another reason for leaving early was I had to find an end to the chaos I was experiencing.

Junior year of highschool was full of drama, betrayl, sex, lies, vicious rumors, it was my soap opera. Lets rewind to the end of sophomore year. My best friend had a crush on David our entire sophomore year, by May of '01 they were dating. I had a small crush on David but knew it was out of the question, afterall, she was my bestfriend. There was a catch to their relationship and I played an intregal part. She wasnt allowed to have a boyfriend or date according to her mother. I was the middle man. When they wanted to see each other she was "hanging out with me". She also didnt have a car, or a license and I or one of our other friends was the transportation between the two of them. I didnt mind this. She was my friend, I would have done anything to help her out. Their relationship was a summer romance. Come fall whatever had been felt had fizzled out and the relationship found its demise. Over the period of time they dated, I became friends with David and just because they were no longer talking to each other didnt meant I wanted to sevre all ties with him, so I talked to him on the sly, keeping a friendship with him while sparing the feelings of my suffering friend. Slowly but almost inevitably we gave in to the unsermounted sexual tension. I felt so conflicted because it was only a matter of time before everything came tumbling down around me, good news travels fast. I loved my friend, but I felt this sort of connection with David I had never had before. I didnt have any idea if I should tell her, or try to hide it. I went with the typicall painful, young, naive decision to hide it. Because of this decision, I lost one of my best firends. Im truly sorry for what I did to her, for not telling her myself, in my own words, Im sorry that she had to hear it from someone that wasnt me, Im truly sorry for the rift I caused between me and all of my close dear friends. But at the same time, how can I be sorry for pursuing something that in my heart I knew would work out, how can I apologize for almost 4 years of a very good, healthy relationship. Because of this conflicting feeling inside of me and all of the hateful things being said, rumors about how I was the reason the split up or how I was a big easy slut because that is the only reason he would like me. Hateful things being said behind my back and then none of the people that I thought were my friends standing up for me but instead helping the spread of the rumors caused this feeling of total loss. I had no control over the situation. I took hold of the only thing I knew how to hold. I turned to my eating habits. I suddenly lost close to 30 lbs in less that six weeks. I didnt eat breakfast, I would eat a quarter of my lunch, a salad for dinner, no snacks no soda only water and as little food as I could make it on. I dropped 6 sizes with in two months. And instead of people being concerned for my health and well being, people told me I looked good. There were a few times that people "interviened" my friends speaking out of concern at lunch when I only ate 2 bites of my sandwich but I was blind to what I was doing. I didnt think I was anorexic. I thought I was on a diet. I wasnt hungry all the time and that to me was enough of an explanation as to why I was eating so little. The biggest surprise about it was that my family were the ones who praised me the most for losing the weight and getting so skinny. In later conversations with my mom she said she thought I was just trying to look nice for David. I continued to loose weight and drop pants sizes because I still lacked control over the situation. I finally decided that graduating early would be a way to get out of the day in and day out misery that had become my life and also keep David my only saving grace. It was when I graduated early and wasnt around everyday that I learned who my true, real friends were. Very few of them kept up with me but thank god for the ones who did. I couldnt have been happier for the friendships that spawned out of such a hardening year.

Even after writing all this and explaining it to potentially the entire world, if people ask me I will still tell them that I graduated early to get started in the real wold sooner. It truly amazes me how much difference one year can make.