I knew it would happen one day. . .
10.28.01 David and I had only be toying with the idea of getting together, nothing serious. My friend Erin was throwing a combined birthday/birthday/halloween party for two of our close friends, Ryan and Jason. David and I had spend the last couple of mornings laying on the floor of my family room watching music videos on MTV due to stardardized testing that the sophomores had to take part in, we had late starts. We were starting to get pretty fond of each other, we had shared a first kiss already and I thought it was heavenly. I didnt know how he felt, but I definently knew there was a connection. On October 28th David and Nathan showed up at the party. While all of the festivities were taking place inside of the house, David and I snuck out to his truck. We spent the night making out and listening to music.
c. 01.03.02 I had gone to visit my family in Ohio for Christmas and for my Uncles wedding. Two days into the trip there and I was getting some bad information from Alissa. It made me nervous to even think about what she was saying but she told me her and David had been talking. She told me that he was thinking about getting serious with Alia, one of his best friends. She told me he was gonna cut ties with me. In order to avoid being the dumpee, I wrote David an email telling him that maybe we should just be friends. He wrote me one back saying he agreed. I tried to tell myself I was ok with this. I tried to tell myself that I wasnt attatched. I tried to tell myself that he didnt mean anything to me. That lasted for almost a whole day. Twelve hours later, I was a wreck, I spend hours on the phone with Erin telling her how upset I was and how I hated Alia. I told her that they werent even right for each other, I told Erin David and I were suppose to be together, but if he thought he was gonna be happy with her then I would let him be happy with her. I spent the rest of my trip to Ohio sulking around the house and crying in the shower. I was miserable. When we got home and school started I talked myself into being strong and not letting on that I was upset. I however made an effort to be seen by him. I made sure I looked hot every morning I knew I would see him. I wore the cutest outfits and I fixed my hair. None of it seemed to be working.
01.18.02 Less than eight teen days later David and I already talked online about how much he missed me, and about how much I missed him. I had visited him at his house, we were starting to hang out again, I was feeling good about this. On the 18th we had a party, David showed up, with his friend Nathan, to the party and he was a little tipsy. We spend most of the night making out and in his drunken stupor, he said it to me for the first time, "I love you". I knew right then that all those connective feelings from early were serious. I knew that I loved him back. From that moment on we were practically inseparable.
01.21.02 David skipped work and came over to my house that morning. We were laying in my bed talking and David asked me if we were gonna go ahead and make this official. I did the only thing I could to, nodded. We were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. I couldnt wait to tell everybody. The problem was everybody could wait to hear it. The news of our union fell on some unhappy ears. There were quite a few people who were not as pleased as I was but they couldnt keep me down. I was happy. I knew that our relationship was serious and that it meant something and no one was gonna bring me down from that wonderful high, not for the lack of trying though. I was threatened, I was called names, I was glared at, there were rumors, there were lies and there was an awful lot of deceit but I kept with David and I was determined to be happy. I knew it would last.
01.21.03 David and I celebrated our one year anniversary together
01.21.04 David and I went for two years and were still truckin.
01.21.05 David and I went out and celebrated three blissful years together and the only thing I could think about were all the naysayers, all the people who threatened me, all the people who stopped being my friends, all the people who said behind our backs it wouldnt last. Only if they could see us now. We made it three years, the subject of what we should name our kids had come up more than once. We were still in love with each other as much as we were the first time he said I love you.
12.24.05 We came home from Christmas eve obligations at Davids parents house. We had spent the day over there hanging out and helping with cooking. We came home around five so we could rest a little, spend some time alone and make it over to more parental obligations at my parents house at six. I was in the back of the house when David called for me to come into the family room. Sitting on the ottoman in front of the Christmas tree was an average sized box. David said to me "Santa came early". I asked him if he wanted me to open my present now. He nodded his head. I was reluctant but told him that if I opened my present now, that he could open one of his. He agreed to this and urged me to open the package. Underneath the red wrapping paper was a box from a cookie company in California. He told me to open the box and see what was inside. I opened the box and sitting inside was a giant fortune cookie. I smiled, it had chocolate and toffee and caramel all over it, "Do you get to pick what the fortune says" I asked him. He told me no, but that it did have a fortune and I needed to open in. I took it into the kitchen so that I wouldnt get crumbs all over the place. David handed me a plate to break the cookie over and I split the thing in two. I reached in a pulled out the oversized fortune. I was facing the counter and as I unfolded the fortune the words "Will you marry me?" popped off the page and nearly knocked me out. I whipped around to find David down on one knee behind me. I welled up a little. In his had he had a ring box with a diamond ring, meant for my finger, sitting in it. I gasped a little and called him a jerk. I had no idea, I was so surprised the only thing I could think of was you jerk, you pulled it off, I had no idea it was gonna happen like that or at that moment. I of couse told the man yes and he put the ring on my finger.
I am now engaged to be married to the one man that I truly want to spend the rest of my life with. The last four years have been a breeze and I cant wait for the rest of our lives.
Monday, December 26, 2005
Saturday, November 26, 2005
This is a piece I wrote for my writing class:
Coffee Break
It is an ordinary chain coffee shop. Thousands of people walk in and out of the black metal framed doorway everyday and everyday thousands of people are utterly grateful to have their coffee. The smell of newspaper, and dark, robust coffee beckons people inside, tells them to sit and relax for as long as they like. If these walls could talk they would have a story for everyday. They would tell of conversations, relationships, people, luckily they don’t have to talk because there is always someone around to witness the stories as they happen.
There are very few occasions that have disrupted this calm collected environment, even momentarily, but one such event took place on a brisk autumn evening. It was the kind of evening where you can smell the weather changing from cool to colder. Outside the wind was blowing, pushing people inside where they could be comforted and warmed by dark French roast or Costa Rican blend. The warm, dim lights provided an inviting backdrop for a normal evening. A young couple was sitting at a small table in the back corner of the coffee shop talking quietly. The twenty or so other tables were littered with students talking, working on papers, reading books, and sipping coffee. The hiss of the cappuccino machine worked feverishly to drown out the ability to eavesdrop on any of the conversations. The baristas settled into their routine expecting an ordinary night of mixing modern day cocktails.
A loud sob suddenly interrupted everyone’s pristine silence. The young couple in the corner was arguing. The young man, Nathan, was trying frantically to comfort and quiet his girlfriend but it was too late, they had already attracted the attention of every person in the small coffee shop. She started stammering in between sobs, loud enough to shut the cappuccino machine up, “Nathan, I can NOT believe. . . you. . .are. . . ending it. After. . .four. . .years”. She suddenly realized how hurt and how angry she was and added with full control of her voice now, “and at a coffee shop?!” She calmly collected her things, her cup of coffee, in the cardboard cup with the environmentally safe sleeve to prevent your hands from being burned. She picked up her small designer handbag, searched for the car keys inside, took one last look at Nathan, turned and walked out the door. She never acknowledged the presence of the people staring at her. She just turned and left. Nathan as if surprised by her reaction pulled a small black cell phone out of his pocket and made a quick phone call, “Hey whater you doin? Can you come pick me up? No, the bitch just left me here.” He looked around to find that everyone’s eyes where rested on him and everyone’s ears where hanging on the words coming out of his mouth, “I will be outside”. He flipped his phone closed, picked up his empty coffee cup and walked out the door, leaving all of us, the voyeurs, in a stunned silence.
Everybody slowly went back to their business. People picked up their conversations where they had left them off. The clack of keyboards once again filled the air as the typing of term papers resumed. But for the next fifteen minutes they all stole glances out the tinted, floor to ceiling windows to see if Nathan was still waiting for his ride. A white truck pulled up and he climbed in through the passenger door and drove off, leaving the audience to their normalcy. The cappuccino machine resumed its noisy hissing, providing the comfort that things were indeed back to normal. The serenity had been interrupted for only a few moments but those few moments would change the rest of Nathan’s life, the rest of his girlfriend’s life and even the rest of the audience’s lives. The only object that remained unscathed was the coffee shop. Thousands of people will continue to walk through the black metal framed doorway everyday and everyday those people will be utterly grateful to have their coffee.
Coffee Break
It is an ordinary chain coffee shop. Thousands of people walk in and out of the black metal framed doorway everyday and everyday thousands of people are utterly grateful to have their coffee. The smell of newspaper, and dark, robust coffee beckons people inside, tells them to sit and relax for as long as they like. If these walls could talk they would have a story for everyday. They would tell of conversations, relationships, people, luckily they don’t have to talk because there is always someone around to witness the stories as they happen.
There are very few occasions that have disrupted this calm collected environment, even momentarily, but one such event took place on a brisk autumn evening. It was the kind of evening where you can smell the weather changing from cool to colder. Outside the wind was blowing, pushing people inside where they could be comforted and warmed by dark French roast or Costa Rican blend. The warm, dim lights provided an inviting backdrop for a normal evening. A young couple was sitting at a small table in the back corner of the coffee shop talking quietly. The twenty or so other tables were littered with students talking, working on papers, reading books, and sipping coffee. The hiss of the cappuccino machine worked feverishly to drown out the ability to eavesdrop on any of the conversations. The baristas settled into their routine expecting an ordinary night of mixing modern day cocktails.
A loud sob suddenly interrupted everyone’s pristine silence. The young couple in the corner was arguing. The young man, Nathan, was trying frantically to comfort and quiet his girlfriend but it was too late, they had already attracted the attention of every person in the small coffee shop. She started stammering in between sobs, loud enough to shut the cappuccino machine up, “Nathan, I can NOT believe. . . you. . .are. . . ending it. After. . .four. . .years”. She suddenly realized how hurt and how angry she was and added with full control of her voice now, “and at a coffee shop?!” She calmly collected her things, her cup of coffee, in the cardboard cup with the environmentally safe sleeve to prevent your hands from being burned. She picked up her small designer handbag, searched for the car keys inside, took one last look at Nathan, turned and walked out the door. She never acknowledged the presence of the people staring at her. She just turned and left. Nathan as if surprised by her reaction pulled a small black cell phone out of his pocket and made a quick phone call, “Hey whater you doin? Can you come pick me up? No, the bitch just left me here.” He looked around to find that everyone’s eyes where rested on him and everyone’s ears where hanging on the words coming out of his mouth, “I will be outside”. He flipped his phone closed, picked up his empty coffee cup and walked out the door, leaving all of us, the voyeurs, in a stunned silence.
Everybody slowly went back to their business. People picked up their conversations where they had left them off. The clack of keyboards once again filled the air as the typing of term papers resumed. But for the next fifteen minutes they all stole glances out the tinted, floor to ceiling windows to see if Nathan was still waiting for his ride. A white truck pulled up and he climbed in through the passenger door and drove off, leaving the audience to their normalcy. The cappuccino machine resumed its noisy hissing, providing the comfort that things were indeed back to normal. The serenity had been interrupted for only a few moments but those few moments would change the rest of Nathan’s life, the rest of his girlfriend’s life and even the rest of the audience’s lives. The only object that remained unscathed was the coffee shop. Thousands of people will continue to walk through the black metal framed doorway everyday and everyday those people will be utterly grateful to have their coffee.
Monday, November 21, 2005
The Magnificent 7
apparently...ang is the only person who a) likes me and 2) reads my blog but I love her so here goes
7 things I want to do before I die
1. I want to graduate college
2. write and have published a book/novel
3. get married
4. have babies
5. find an appropriate way to thank my parents for everything they have ever done for me
6. live in a foreign country
7. learn how to spell
7 things I can do
1. I can touch my tongue to my nose
2. I can cook....pretty well
3. I can shop
4. I can write stories
5. I can tell jokes
6. I can whine like nobody's business
7. I can wiggle my eyes
7 things I cant do
1. I cant eat strange foods
2. I cant stand moths
3. I cant clean worth anything
4. I cant save money
5. I cant make decisions
6. I cant do confrontations
7. I cant go with out a plan
7 things that attract me to another person
1. a sense of humor
2. confidence
3. a sense of style
4. good conversations
5. a deep seeded love for movies
6. an open mind
7. flaws
7 things I say most often
1. "like your mom" (or any variant of such phrase)
2. "buuuuurn"
3. "Babe...."
4. "I dont wanna ____"
5. "GAH!"
6. "I cant believe your not ready yet"
7. "I dont like her"
apparently...ang is the only person who a) likes me and 2) reads my blog but I love her so here goes
7 things I want to do before I die
1. I want to graduate college
2. write and have published a book/novel
3. get married
4. have babies
5. find an appropriate way to thank my parents for everything they have ever done for me
6. live in a foreign country
7. learn how to spell
7 things I can do
1. I can touch my tongue to my nose
2. I can cook....pretty well
3. I can shop
4. I can write stories
5. I can tell jokes
6. I can whine like nobody's business
7. I can wiggle my eyes
7 things I cant do
1. I cant eat strange foods
2. I cant stand moths
3. I cant clean worth anything
4. I cant save money
5. I cant make decisions
6. I cant do confrontations
7. I cant go with out a plan
7 things that attract me to another person
1. a sense of humor
2. confidence
3. a sense of style
4. good conversations
5. a deep seeded love for movies
6. an open mind
7. flaws
7 things I say most often
1. "like your mom" (or any variant of such phrase)
2. "buuuuurn"
3. "Babe...."
4. "I dont wanna ____"
5. "GAH!"
6. "I cant believe your not ready yet"
7. "I dont like her"
Monday, November 07, 2005
In lieu of the elections tomorrow I thought I would repost an old blog...Remember vote NO for Prop.2 tomorrow 11/8...help make all men(and women) equal!!
Friday, May 06, 2005
Role Call
So Im very thankful to have grown up in the decade that I did grow up in, I consider myself a child of the 90's. Most of my formidable years happened in the 90's. I tend to think that I am very open minded and think of people as just that, people. I dont stare at people that have excessive tattoos or piercings, I dont get uncomfortable when I see two people of the same sex holding hands...everyone needs love right, I dont think that it is weird for a black man to marry a white woman or vice versa, I think it is fine if a woman wants to have an abortion, I think its fine if a women wants to be a single mother, I think its acceptable for a single man to raise a child, I think it is more than acceptable for a gay or lesbian couple to adopt or artifically inseminate themselves to have and raise a child, I think that it is wonderful to believe in something but you have to let people develop their own views, there is not one belief system and just because you think one way doesnt make everyone else wrong and that doesnt make you right. I think that what you do in the bedroom is your business and no one else's but if you want to tape it and share it with everyone that has $9.95 and access to the internet then you should damn well be able to, I think that if a girl wants to exploit her body that she should be able to, no one forces these girls to be strippers or work at hooters, it is their choice and they are makin damn good money from it. I think it is reasonable. Love knows no boundries and some people are into some weird shit but that is their bag, not mine so I just keep my mouth shut.
I was also raised in an agnostic home. I have never been baptised and probably never will be. My dad was/is catholic and my mother a methodist. We attended both churches every now and then, we went on the important holidays, Christmas and Easter. But christian views were not instilled deep in my soul. But I still have morals. I dont think I believe in God, I have certainly not experienced anything in my life that would force me into thinking there is a God, but at the same time I have not experienced anything that would force me into thinking that there is not a God. I believe in evolution, to think that one day we just appeared out of no where is ludicris. I believe that we go some where after we die but would I call it heaven or hell? No I dont think I would.I was also raised, and taught in school that church and state are seperate. I was taught that all men (as in mankind, not the sex) are created equal. That is what our country was founded on right? Our founding fathers made their way over here becasue they were tired of being persecuted against for their beliefs. We have no national religion, or language. We have (and to sound terribly cliche)a melting pot of cultures. We are a diverse group of people, Americans are. So why does what our president belive in matter? Just because religion dictates what is right and wrong in your moral life doesnt meant that it should play in to law making. Because I think this way, and because I was raised in the 90's I think it is scary to hear people shun and discriminate against everything I think is ok. How is the love that two women share for each other any different from the love a man and a women share for each other? Why should Gay couples not have the same rights as stright couples? I know damn well that my boyfriend knows my wishes better than my family but since we arent married, he would have no say if I died. Marriage is not a holy institution unless the bride and groom wish it to be. Marriage is a civil union, the only person(s) who have to recognize marriage is the state. You dont have to go and get a marriage license from God. If it was a holy union you wouldnt be able to just marry in a courtroom by the justice of peace, you would have to marry in a church in front of the clergy and have them approve your marriage. The truth of the matter is that if I wanted to get married tomorrow, I could run off to Vegas, Atlantic City (I think even Kentucky lets you) and get married on a whim, In a court house with no church members, or God present
Friday, May 06, 2005
Role Call
So Im very thankful to have grown up in the decade that I did grow up in, I consider myself a child of the 90's. Most of my formidable years happened in the 90's. I tend to think that I am very open minded and think of people as just that, people. I dont stare at people that have excessive tattoos or piercings, I dont get uncomfortable when I see two people of the same sex holding hands...everyone needs love right, I dont think that it is weird for a black man to marry a white woman or vice versa, I think it is fine if a woman wants to have an abortion, I think its fine if a women wants to be a single mother, I think its acceptable for a single man to raise a child, I think it is more than acceptable for a gay or lesbian couple to adopt or artifically inseminate themselves to have and raise a child, I think that it is wonderful to believe in something but you have to let people develop their own views, there is not one belief system and just because you think one way doesnt make everyone else wrong and that doesnt make you right. I think that what you do in the bedroom is your business and no one else's but if you want to tape it and share it with everyone that has $9.95 and access to the internet then you should damn well be able to, I think that if a girl wants to exploit her body that she should be able to, no one forces these girls to be strippers or work at hooters, it is their choice and they are makin damn good money from it. I think it is reasonable. Love knows no boundries and some people are into some weird shit but that is their bag, not mine so I just keep my mouth shut.
I was also raised in an agnostic home. I have never been baptised and probably never will be. My dad was/is catholic and my mother a methodist. We attended both churches every now and then, we went on the important holidays, Christmas and Easter. But christian views were not instilled deep in my soul. But I still have morals. I dont think I believe in God, I have certainly not experienced anything in my life that would force me into thinking there is a God, but at the same time I have not experienced anything that would force me into thinking that there is not a God. I believe in evolution, to think that one day we just appeared out of no where is ludicris. I believe that we go some where after we die but would I call it heaven or hell? No I dont think I would.I was also raised, and taught in school that church and state are seperate. I was taught that all men (as in mankind, not the sex) are created equal. That is what our country was founded on right? Our founding fathers made their way over here becasue they were tired of being persecuted against for their beliefs. We have no national religion, or language. We have (and to sound terribly cliche)a melting pot of cultures. We are a diverse group of people, Americans are. So why does what our president belive in matter? Just because religion dictates what is right and wrong in your moral life doesnt meant that it should play in to law making. Because I think this way, and because I was raised in the 90's I think it is scary to hear people shun and discriminate against everything I think is ok. How is the love that two women share for each other any different from the love a man and a women share for each other? Why should Gay couples not have the same rights as stright couples? I know damn well that my boyfriend knows my wishes better than my family but since we arent married, he would have no say if I died. Marriage is not a holy institution unless the bride and groom wish it to be. Marriage is a civil union, the only person(s) who have to recognize marriage is the state. You dont have to go and get a marriage license from God. If it was a holy union you wouldnt be able to just marry in a courtroom by the justice of peace, you would have to marry in a church in front of the clergy and have them approve your marriage. The truth of the matter is that if I wanted to get married tomorrow, I could run off to Vegas, Atlantic City (I think even Kentucky lets you) and get married on a whim, In a court house with no church members, or God present
Saturday, October 29, 2005
You want me to do what?!
I had an appointment with my acedemic advisor today. Techsis keeps yelling at me about filing my intent to graduate. My intent to graduate! do you hear that?!?! Im close to graduating. Well I didnt believe it either. I made the appointment under the pretense that I needed to fill out my minor information and get all that paper work turned in. I walk into her office, sit down, tell her that I have an appointment at 10 she looks at her calandar and says "Pam?" I respond with a yes and we are off. I tell her that I finally decided on a minor, philosophy, and I needed to get all my forms filled out, she said "well I kinda figured that when I looked at the classes you are takin this semester and I already filled out this degree plan for you." I look down at the degree plan, expecting to see like 4 pages worth of classes that I still need to take and instead I see one page, not even filled all the way out. I have 2 full semesters and then the summer.....thats it? I will be done with school in a year? and this strange feeling, a combination of fear, excitment and euphora, wash over me. I will be a college graduate in a year. I have spend my whole life trying to get out of school and now that it is this close I almsot dont want to have to leave it. What do you do after you graduate college? How do you find a job? What is being a "grownup" really like? In all reality Im so scared shitless by this sudden realization that I have to get on with real life. I feel that by finally graduating college I have to buck up and become an adult but I dont really wanna and its not only that I dont wanna, but I dont know how either.
I had an appointment with my acedemic advisor today. Techsis keeps yelling at me about filing my intent to graduate. My intent to graduate! do you hear that?!?! Im close to graduating. Well I didnt believe it either. I made the appointment under the pretense that I needed to fill out my minor information and get all that paper work turned in. I walk into her office, sit down, tell her that I have an appointment at 10 she looks at her calandar and says "Pam?" I respond with a yes and we are off. I tell her that I finally decided on a minor, philosophy, and I needed to get all my forms filled out, she said "well I kinda figured that when I looked at the classes you are takin this semester and I already filled out this degree plan for you." I look down at the degree plan, expecting to see like 4 pages worth of classes that I still need to take and instead I see one page, not even filled all the way out. I have 2 full semesters and then the summer.....thats it? I will be done with school in a year? and this strange feeling, a combination of fear, excitment and euphora, wash over me. I will be a college graduate in a year. I have spend my whole life trying to get out of school and now that it is this close I almsot dont want to have to leave it. What do you do after you graduate college? How do you find a job? What is being a "grownup" really like? In all reality Im so scared shitless by this sudden realization that I have to get on with real life. I feel that by finally graduating college I have to buck up and become an adult but I dont really wanna and its not only that I dont wanna, but I dont know how either.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
One love, One hundred reasons
so since everybody else has some sort of list, and my friend ang is starting her "100 facts about me list", I thought I would start mine off with
1. I conform, I can only do it if someone else is doing it
2. Currently most of the clothes I buy are drap green...I think I look good in it
3. When I start feeling unoriginal I dye my hair
4. Im going to school, trying to obtain a degree in English with a specialization in creative writing
5. I want one day to live in the two story four bedroom, white picket fence with 2.4 kids american dream
6. I have only worked one job my entire life and Im starting on year 4
7. Im ALWAYS TIRED....never am I not tired
8. I lllloooooooove me some movies...I could not do anything all day except watch movies and eat and I would feel like I have accomplished something
9. I believe that homosexuals should be allowed to marry
10. I have this thing where I cant stand the way it sounds or feels when two things rub togther
11. I hate it when my bed sheets are messed up, like corners off the mattress or the top sheet is sideways, pillows in the wrong places...Im very anal when it comes to my bed sheets
12. I have a bald headed fetish
13. I loooove Bruce Willis
14. I seriously think that my day of birth is one of the most important days out of the entire year, and I think it is justifiable to say so
15. I think that ketchup is the best condement
16. I love my iPod and it is an old school one....cause Im hardcore
17. I hate telemarketers, and like I know they are just doing their jobs but seriously...I hate them and I think it is funny when david fucks with them....I dont have the balls(metaphorically speaking) to do stuff like that
18. I love target. If you cant find it at target then you probably dont need it.
19. I am an animal lover.
20. I name stray animals and become emotionally attatched and then I get really upset when I cant take them in, I usually cry
21. I like cold weather, but not rainy and I hate the snow...I just like it cold
22. I understand that people are entitled to their own opinions but I think that most peoples opinions are stupid and wrong
23. Our country could have done so much better than Dubya
24. I am a sunglasses whore....I love sunglasses
25. I like to touch Ang
26. My favorite band of all time is incubus
27. Im very OC about public restrooms, I can use any stall in a public restroom except the 3rd, 5th or 7th
28. I really want to become a vegetarian but I like meat...waaaaaay to much
29. I want to move to San Francisco, New Orleans, New York, or South France
30. I feel too grown up at 21
31. I want a bird, like a parrot, that can talk to me. I think that would be really cool
32. I hate that we have reached the point in our relationship where he feels comfortable farting in front of me
33. I got braces, for the first time when I was 19
34. Im getting them off at age 21
35. When Im writing, I keep either a dictionary website open or an actual dictionary because Im a horrible speller and I use the same words over and over
36. I mix up numbers, like you tell me the adress is 3154 and I will remember it as 1345...yeah it gets confusing
37. I think I deserve to win the lottery cause there is alot of stuff that I really want to buy
38. I would also give some of the money to charity
39. I wish me and my sister were closer
40. I spend entirely too much time in front of the tv, it was the best babysitter I ever had
41. I really dont see the point in showering everyday, so I dont
42. Customers bug me
43. I had a ring worm growing on my arm, we named him sam, he is long since dead from my arm, but I passed him on to david and now david has sam2
44. I treat my puppies as if they were my kids
45. I have an obsession with shoes....I love them in a not normal way
46. I suck hardcore at keeping secrets, because there are very few things that I wouldnt tell about myself
47. I dont make friends with girls easily, Im always judging them...girls are so catty....
48. I love living in texas but I hate texas's political ideals....I wish we were blue
49. My favorite part of my body is my feet....I think they are cute
50. Some times I like just walking around the house taking random pictures of things.....its enjoyable
51. I spend too much money on too much stuff that I dont need
52. I dont want to grow up (Im a toys-r-us kid, theres a million toys at toys-r-us that I can play with)
53. I would love, I mean LOVE to be a stand up comedian, but I dont think Im funny enough
54. I truely believe that Tivo is the one of the best inventions ever!
55. sometimes I wish I could be a guy for like a whole day, just to see what it is like, Im interested
56. Im honestly happy with my body and my body image, which I think is a rare find in todays world
57. Thats not to say I wouldnt change anything if I could
58. I have four really big fears:
59. Not being able to have kids
60. Drowning
61. not being able to provide for my family
62. and moths...they freak the shit outta me
63. I am easily start struck, like this one time, we were on our way back from san francisco and our flight was from SF to alberquerque and Ryder Strong was on our plane. I know right you have no idea who that is, he was in such great hits as boy meets world and that is it. But I had seen him on tv and now I was seeing him in person and it was one of the coolest things I have ever experienced, I wonder what would happen if I actually met someone really famous.
64. I think that a lot of healthy food actually doesnt taste too bad
65. my boyfriend talks in his sleep "thats some fucked up shit"
66. I like to pretend that I dont know very much
67. but I actually am pretty well educated
68. I havent had a hair cut in 4 years
69. Im addicted to the game minesweeper, I hate that I cant go 5 minutes without playing it and I think I need some help
70. I have a really hard time making eye contact with people I feel I dont know very well. I will always focus on there nose or eyebrows because it is less uncomfortable than looking them straight in the eye
71. I however, always make extended eye contact with my teachers or people who are speaking(like publicly)
72. I pick my scabs
73. I wont stop scratching if somethin itches
74. I hate, no loathe, going to the gas station, there is nothing I hate more than filling my car up with gas not to mention all the creepy people that go to gas stations
75. I like to poke holes in things, jeans, shirts, curtains, paper, couch cushions, lots of stuff
76. I hate writing in my textbooks, I think it clutters up the already crowed pages and it makes it more difficult to read
77. I hate buying used books because I always get the book of the person that didnt know shit in the class and doesnt know how to highlight, or they use an obnoxious color that hurts the eyes
78. I have worn glasses/contacts everyday of my life since I was 7
79. I get really intense pounding headaches when I dont get adequate sleep the first time this happened to me I was in 9th grade and I swore up and down I had a brain tumor
80. I am a self-diagnosis queen, I have diagnosed myself with many a different ailments that I still believe are true
81. I cant stand doctors, of any kind, they make you wait in a stupid uncomfortable room and then poke around on various parts of your body for 20 minutes and then charge you a million dollars.
82. If I lived closer to Canada I would go there to have my baby
83. I think that my head is too small for my body
84. I think that donuts are one of the grossest foods known to mankind
85. I truly believe that every man, woman and child is equal and should be treated as such
86. I have only been out to the clubs three times since I turned 18, two of those times I was kickin it at the gay clubs
87. I usually get what I want from my parents but I dont think Im spoiled
88. My first car was an 02 VW Bug, I had an accident about 4 months after I got that car, I complained every day after I got it back about how I hated my car and wanted a new one, I got in another accident a year later, I totalled the bug and I was left to drive dads car, an '03 VW Passat, I have never wanted my bug back so badly. Goes to show you always want what you cant have
89. Every semester I say that I want to be a better student, and go to class and get everything done, and then, when the semester starts, I dont do any of what I say I will and end up skipping too much class and making average grades
90. I dont like the way I sound when I laugh, I sound like a retarded hyena
91. I have a serious problem with going to class...I just dont do it, I dont know how to stop not going to school
92. I have a cell phone, an email adress, lots of modern "conviences" and I really dont like most of them, I never have my cell phone with me and if I do, it is dead, I never check my email, maybe 3 times a week, I just dont think they are that helpful.....but I do love Tivo and my Computer
93. I hate it when people ask me if I want to be a teacher, you dont have to major in english to be a teacher....I DO NOT WANT TO BE A TEACHER.....not that there is anything wrong with ot
94. I live to quote movies, tv shows, songs, all sorts of shit....I think of it as a fun game, whats that from?
95. I do not think there is anything wrong with porn, or strip clubs or other forms of expression that "opress women" because if they didnt want to do it, they wouldnt....if I was hot enough I would...shoot!
96. I think that enforcing the speed limit is such a waste of tax payers money... cause catching someone going 10 over the speed limit is waaaay more important than getting that rapist
97. I love, and still believe that I am living in the 90's
98. I hate doing house work, now, I realize most people dont enjoy doing house work, but I will probably never feel the need to get it done, I have no problem living in filth
99. If it was guarenteed that I wouldnt go to jail, there are people I would kill, so prison is a deterrent..good job criminal justice system!!
100. I want more than anything to be on the Price Is Right
so since everybody else has some sort of list, and my friend ang is starting her "100 facts about me list", I thought I would start mine off with
1. I conform, I can only do it if someone else is doing it
2. Currently most of the clothes I buy are drap green...I think I look good in it
3. When I start feeling unoriginal I dye my hair
4. Im going to school, trying to obtain a degree in English with a specialization in creative writing
5. I want one day to live in the two story four bedroom, white picket fence with 2.4 kids american dream
6. I have only worked one job my entire life and Im starting on year 4
7. Im ALWAYS TIRED....never am I not tired
8. I lllloooooooove me some movies...I could not do anything all day except watch movies and eat and I would feel like I have accomplished something
9. I believe that homosexuals should be allowed to marry
10. I have this thing where I cant stand the way it sounds or feels when two things rub togther
11. I hate it when my bed sheets are messed up, like corners off the mattress or the top sheet is sideways, pillows in the wrong places...Im very anal when it comes to my bed sheets
12. I have a bald headed fetish
13. I loooove Bruce Willis
14. I seriously think that my day of birth is one of the most important days out of the entire year, and I think it is justifiable to say so
15. I think that ketchup is the best condement
16. I love my iPod and it is an old school one....cause Im hardcore
17. I hate telemarketers, and like I know they are just doing their jobs but seriously...I hate them and I think it is funny when david fucks with them....I dont have the balls(metaphorically speaking) to do stuff like that
18. I love target. If you cant find it at target then you probably dont need it.
19. I am an animal lover.
20. I name stray animals and become emotionally attatched and then I get really upset when I cant take them in, I usually cry
21. I like cold weather, but not rainy and I hate the snow...I just like it cold
22. I understand that people are entitled to their own opinions but I think that most peoples opinions are stupid and wrong
23. Our country could have done so much better than Dubya
24. I am a sunglasses whore....I love sunglasses
25. I like to touch Ang
26. My favorite band of all time is incubus
27. Im very OC about public restrooms, I can use any stall in a public restroom except the 3rd, 5th or 7th
28. I really want to become a vegetarian but I like meat...waaaaaay to much
29. I want to move to San Francisco, New Orleans, New York, or South France
30. I feel too grown up at 21
31. I want a bird, like a parrot, that can talk to me. I think that would be really cool
32. I hate that we have reached the point in our relationship where he feels comfortable farting in front of me
33. I got braces, for the first time when I was 19
34. Im getting them off at age 21
35. When Im writing, I keep either a dictionary website open or an actual dictionary because Im a horrible speller and I use the same words over and over
36. I mix up numbers, like you tell me the adress is 3154 and I will remember it as 1345...yeah it gets confusing
37. I think I deserve to win the lottery cause there is alot of stuff that I really want to buy
38. I would also give some of the money to charity
39. I wish me and my sister were closer
40. I spend entirely too much time in front of the tv, it was the best babysitter I ever had
41. I really dont see the point in showering everyday, so I dont
42. Customers bug me
43. I had a ring worm growing on my arm, we named him sam, he is long since dead from my arm, but I passed him on to david and now david has sam2
44. I treat my puppies as if they were my kids
45. I have an obsession with shoes....I love them in a not normal way
46. I suck hardcore at keeping secrets, because there are very few things that I wouldnt tell about myself
47. I dont make friends with girls easily, Im always judging them...girls are so catty....
48. I love living in texas but I hate texas's political ideals....I wish we were blue
49. My favorite part of my body is my feet....I think they are cute
50. Some times I like just walking around the house taking random pictures of things.....its enjoyable
51. I spend too much money on too much stuff that I dont need
52. I dont want to grow up (Im a toys-r-us kid, theres a million toys at toys-r-us that I can play with)
53. I would love, I mean LOVE to be a stand up comedian, but I dont think Im funny enough
54. I truely believe that Tivo is the one of the best inventions ever!
55. sometimes I wish I could be a guy for like a whole day, just to see what it is like, Im interested
56. Im honestly happy with my body and my body image, which I think is a rare find in todays world
57. Thats not to say I wouldnt change anything if I could
58. I have four really big fears:
59. Not being able to have kids
60. Drowning
61. not being able to provide for my family
62. and moths...they freak the shit outta me
63. I am easily start struck, like this one time, we were on our way back from san francisco and our flight was from SF to alberquerque and Ryder Strong was on our plane. I know right you have no idea who that is, he was in such great hits as boy meets world and that is it. But I had seen him on tv and now I was seeing him in person and it was one of the coolest things I have ever experienced, I wonder what would happen if I actually met someone really famous.
64. I think that a lot of healthy food actually doesnt taste too bad
65. my boyfriend talks in his sleep "thats some fucked up shit"
66. I like to pretend that I dont know very much
67. but I actually am pretty well educated
68. I havent had a hair cut in 4 years
69. Im addicted to the game minesweeper, I hate that I cant go 5 minutes without playing it and I think I need some help
70. I have a really hard time making eye contact with people I feel I dont know very well. I will always focus on there nose or eyebrows because it is less uncomfortable than looking them straight in the eye
71. I however, always make extended eye contact with my teachers or people who are speaking(like publicly)
72. I pick my scabs
73. I wont stop scratching if somethin itches
74. I hate, no loathe, going to the gas station, there is nothing I hate more than filling my car up with gas not to mention all the creepy people that go to gas stations
75. I like to poke holes in things, jeans, shirts, curtains, paper, couch cushions, lots of stuff
76. I hate writing in my textbooks, I think it clutters up the already crowed pages and it makes it more difficult to read
77. I hate buying used books because I always get the book of the person that didnt know shit in the class and doesnt know how to highlight, or they use an obnoxious color that hurts the eyes
78. I have worn glasses/contacts everyday of my life since I was 7
79. I get really intense pounding headaches when I dont get adequate sleep the first time this happened to me I was in 9th grade and I swore up and down I had a brain tumor
80. I am a self-diagnosis queen, I have diagnosed myself with many a different ailments that I still believe are true
81. I cant stand doctors, of any kind, they make you wait in a stupid uncomfortable room and then poke around on various parts of your body for 20 minutes and then charge you a million dollars.
82. If I lived closer to Canada I would go there to have my baby
83. I think that my head is too small for my body
84. I think that donuts are one of the grossest foods known to mankind
85. I truly believe that every man, woman and child is equal and should be treated as such
86. I have only been out to the clubs three times since I turned 18, two of those times I was kickin it at the gay clubs
87. I usually get what I want from my parents but I dont think Im spoiled
88. My first car was an 02 VW Bug, I had an accident about 4 months after I got that car, I complained every day after I got it back about how I hated my car and wanted a new one, I got in another accident a year later, I totalled the bug and I was left to drive dads car, an '03 VW Passat, I have never wanted my bug back so badly. Goes to show you always want what you cant have
89. Every semester I say that I want to be a better student, and go to class and get everything done, and then, when the semester starts, I dont do any of what I say I will and end up skipping too much class and making average grades
90. I dont like the way I sound when I laugh, I sound like a retarded hyena
91. I have a serious problem with going to class...I just dont do it, I dont know how to stop not going to school
92. I have a cell phone, an email adress, lots of modern "conviences" and I really dont like most of them, I never have my cell phone with me and if I do, it is dead, I never check my email, maybe 3 times a week, I just dont think they are that helpful.....but I do love Tivo and my Computer
93. I hate it when people ask me if I want to be a teacher, you dont have to major in english to be a teacher....I DO NOT WANT TO BE A TEACHER.....not that there is anything wrong with ot
94. I live to quote movies, tv shows, songs, all sorts of shit....I think of it as a fun game, whats that from?
95. I do not think there is anything wrong with porn, or strip clubs or other forms of expression that "opress women" because if they didnt want to do it, they wouldnt....if I was hot enough I would...shoot!
96. I think that enforcing the speed limit is such a waste of tax payers money... cause catching someone going 10 over the speed limit is waaaay more important than getting that rapist
97. I love, and still believe that I am living in the 90's
98. I hate doing house work, now, I realize most people dont enjoy doing house work, but I will probably never feel the need to get it done, I have no problem living in filth
99. If it was guarenteed that I wouldnt go to jail, there are people I would kill, so prison is a deterrent..good job criminal justice system!!
100. I want more than anything to be on the Price Is Right
Friday, September 30, 2005
Marvel Intelligence
If I have learned anything from living 21 years, it is that the things we do in life, work, school, relationships, friendships, drinking, doing drugs, writing, anything, is a learning experience. Being young and taking every thing in, you arent making mistakes but rather doing research. Because of my philosophy, I have taken my job and used it to learn things, about computers, about business, but mainly I have learned things about people. I have woked at Select-a-Seat for three years. In that time I have sold tickets to Im gonna say around four thousand people. That is alot of interaction with alot of different people. Out of those four thousand people, Im going to say 2500 of them were nice. Out of the 2500 nice people, Im gonna say 50 of them understood every word I said to them. If I have learned anything from my job, it is that intelligence is something to marvel. An intelligent person will listen to a commerical the entire way through before picking up the phone and asking twenty questions they could have learned from the commercial. An intelligent person will have a pen ready to write down what you say therefore ensuring the fact you wont have to repeat yourself four times. An intelligent person will be polite and patient. An intelligent person will remember why they are calling and will be as specific as possible with the questions because they know we are selling tickets to many different events, not just the one they want to go to. An intelligent person wouldnt ask if it was Select-a-Seat they were calling because they would hear us when we answer the phone "Select-a-Seat, how can I help you?". If the world were full of intelligent people, my life, my work and my being would be so much simpler. Please, fight the fight against stupidity, if not for my sake, for your own.
If I have learned anything from living 21 years, it is that the things we do in life, work, school, relationships, friendships, drinking, doing drugs, writing, anything, is a learning experience. Being young and taking every thing in, you arent making mistakes but rather doing research. Because of my philosophy, I have taken my job and used it to learn things, about computers, about business, but mainly I have learned things about people. I have woked at Select-a-Seat for three years. In that time I have sold tickets to Im gonna say around four thousand people. That is alot of interaction with alot of different people. Out of those four thousand people, Im going to say 2500 of them were nice. Out of the 2500 nice people, Im gonna say 50 of them understood every word I said to them. If I have learned anything from my job, it is that intelligence is something to marvel. An intelligent person will listen to a commerical the entire way through before picking up the phone and asking twenty questions they could have learned from the commercial. An intelligent person will have a pen ready to write down what you say therefore ensuring the fact you wont have to repeat yourself four times. An intelligent person will be polite and patient. An intelligent person will remember why they are calling and will be as specific as possible with the questions because they know we are selling tickets to many different events, not just the one they want to go to. An intelligent person wouldnt ask if it was Select-a-Seat they were calling because they would hear us when we answer the phone "Select-a-Seat, how can I help you?". If the world were full of intelligent people, my life, my work and my being would be so much simpler. Please, fight the fight against stupidity, if not for my sake, for your own.
Friday, September 23, 2005
I know Im a Little Different
Im shorter than the average woman, I weigh more than the average woman, I have longer hair, smaller feet and a different kind of humor, I talk to my dogs and think that maybe one day, they might talk back to me. I am different than most, and I know this. I love this about me. I love not looking like every other girl that attends Texas Tech University. The problem with me being a little different is social interaction. Specifically the humor I find in akward situations. There is nothing I love more than ending a seemingly entertaining conversation with a "so you like to have sex with monkeys sometimes?" or "o yeah and then his dog died". It is these odd little quirks about my personality that I'd like to think make my friends love me. I think I noticed at an early age that I was different. I always would act a little different than everybody, make up songs and tasteless jokes, and I would always go beyond the point of cute, straight to annoying and then keep on truckin. This idea of individualism continued through junior high, highschool and straight into college.
My sophomore year of college my family took a trip over thanksgiving to San Francisco. My grandmother had died the previous January and we took the holiday as an opportunity to visit my uncle who lived in the area. Normally we would have seen him at my grandmothers house over thanksgiving but given the situation, that wasnt gonna happen. My parents invited my boyfriend, David, along for the fun of it. About five years earlier my dad took me and my siblings so this was just another trip for us but, David had never been to San Francisco and my mother hadnt been since she was a kid so we still got to do all the great touristy things that you can do there. We visited the Warf, ate chowder out of sour dough bowls, saw the Golden Gate Bridge, we went to Coit Tower, drove up HWY 1, rode on the street cars, saw the painted ladies, bought chocolate from Ghirardelli almost everyday we were there, we also visited the Pacicfic beach and ate lunch at a great resturant that looks over the ocean. We drank in San Francisco like we were alcoholics and it was the only thing that could ebb our craving. Probably the best thing we did while we were there was visit Muir Woods. It was so cool that day but not cold enough to need a heavey coat. I dont know if you have ever been to Muir Woods, but it is so serenly quiet there, the air is so pure and crisp and there is something about fresh air that just makes you feel alive. Standing around giant thousand year old trees really puts things in perspective. Im not entirely sure why I acted the way I did that day, maybe it was the fresh air, or too much oxygen in my brain, maybe it was the fact that I was around the five people I love most in my life, maybe it was the video camera my brother was carrying around, maybe it was the coffee I drank that morning, because I normally dont drink coffee. Im not sure what it was but for some reason I was so individual that day, and I wasnt just regular individual, I was Pam individual. I was hopping around the woods, making up songs, cracking jokes, laughing so loud because it was so quiet there and I felt that everyone needed to hear how much fun I was having. Then my brother busted out the video camera, Im a natural born performer, so of course I had to be on and I was so ON. The clean air must make it easier for you to think cause I was being witty and funny and energetic and it makes for great home video watching now. My parents decided cause I had so much energy that we would take an easy hike around the woods on one of the trails, so we got to hiking. I led the group part of the way and the rest of it I walked at the back so that everybody could hear the fun songs I was singing. My little sister got so annoyed with me that she begged my parents to make me shut up for at least 5 minutes. I took the challenge willingly and failed miserably. We left Muir Woods and I instantly feel asleep on our drive up Highway 1 but I had a spectacular time, being me, and loving the people I was with. We made our way back to the city that evening, ate dinner at some resturant, I dont remember which one, we walked through down town and went shopping. The end of the week came sooner than we had all hoped and by monday we were back to our usual routines. That week is one of the best weeks of my enitre life thus far. The pictures say it all. Every picture that was taken we were happy, we were all happy. I know that we all left part of our hearts in San Francisco, and we will go back one day to retrieve that piece but no matter how many times we go back those moments will never be created again. It truly was a moment of vanishing love. Im glad it happened but I know I will never have those exact feelings again.
Im shorter than the average woman, I weigh more than the average woman, I have longer hair, smaller feet and a different kind of humor, I talk to my dogs and think that maybe one day, they might talk back to me. I am different than most, and I know this. I love this about me. I love not looking like every other girl that attends Texas Tech University. The problem with me being a little different is social interaction. Specifically the humor I find in akward situations. There is nothing I love more than ending a seemingly entertaining conversation with a "so you like to have sex with monkeys sometimes?" or "o yeah and then his dog died". It is these odd little quirks about my personality that I'd like to think make my friends love me. I think I noticed at an early age that I was different. I always would act a little different than everybody, make up songs and tasteless jokes, and I would always go beyond the point of cute, straight to annoying and then keep on truckin. This idea of individualism continued through junior high, highschool and straight into college.
My sophomore year of college my family took a trip over thanksgiving to San Francisco. My grandmother had died the previous January and we took the holiday as an opportunity to visit my uncle who lived in the area. Normally we would have seen him at my grandmothers house over thanksgiving but given the situation, that wasnt gonna happen. My parents invited my boyfriend, David, along for the fun of it. About five years earlier my dad took me and my siblings so this was just another trip for us but, David had never been to San Francisco and my mother hadnt been since she was a kid so we still got to do all the great touristy things that you can do there. We visited the Warf, ate chowder out of sour dough bowls, saw the Golden Gate Bridge, we went to Coit Tower, drove up HWY 1, rode on the street cars, saw the painted ladies, bought chocolate from Ghirardelli almost everyday we were there, we also visited the Pacicfic beach and ate lunch at a great resturant that looks over the ocean. We drank in San Francisco like we were alcoholics and it was the only thing that could ebb our craving. Probably the best thing we did while we were there was visit Muir Woods. It was so cool that day but not cold enough to need a heavey coat. I dont know if you have ever been to Muir Woods, but it is so serenly quiet there, the air is so pure and crisp and there is something about fresh air that just makes you feel alive. Standing around giant thousand year old trees really puts things in perspective. Im not entirely sure why I acted the way I did that day, maybe it was the fresh air, or too much oxygen in my brain, maybe it was the fact that I was around the five people I love most in my life, maybe it was the video camera my brother was carrying around, maybe it was the coffee I drank that morning, because I normally dont drink coffee. Im not sure what it was but for some reason I was so individual that day, and I wasnt just regular individual, I was Pam individual. I was hopping around the woods, making up songs, cracking jokes, laughing so loud because it was so quiet there and I felt that everyone needed to hear how much fun I was having. Then my brother busted out the video camera, Im a natural born performer, so of course I had to be on and I was so ON. The clean air must make it easier for you to think cause I was being witty and funny and energetic and it makes for great home video watching now. My parents decided cause I had so much energy that we would take an easy hike around the woods on one of the trails, so we got to hiking. I led the group part of the way and the rest of it I walked at the back so that everybody could hear the fun songs I was singing. My little sister got so annoyed with me that she begged my parents to make me shut up for at least 5 minutes. I took the challenge willingly and failed miserably. We left Muir Woods and I instantly feel asleep on our drive up Highway 1 but I had a spectacular time, being me, and loving the people I was with. We made our way back to the city that evening, ate dinner at some resturant, I dont remember which one, we walked through down town and went shopping. The end of the week came sooner than we had all hoped and by monday we were back to our usual routines. That week is one of the best weeks of my enitre life thus far. The pictures say it all. Every picture that was taken we were happy, we were all happy. I know that we all left part of our hearts in San Francisco, and we will go back one day to retrieve that piece but no matter how many times we go back those moments will never be created again. It truly was a moment of vanishing love. Im glad it happened but I know I will never have those exact feelings again.
Monday, September 19, 2005
In Love and in Love with Things that Vanish
So, I have an assignment due on the 29th, it is suppose to be an autobiographical sketch about a moment in my life when I was compleatly myself, when I was "in love and in love with things that vanish". I dont get that, I cant think of a single time time when I was, in love and in love with things that vanish, I dont even know what that means, to me, it doesnt mean anything, it doesnt talk to me, it doesnt reach out to me, nothing screams in my head "THIS IS WHEN YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH THINGS THAT VANISH"......it just doesnt, so... this is the best thing I can come up with at the moment.
Everybody has that teacher. The one that picks on you, the one that treats you like a little kid even though you are totally mature. The teacher that everybody makes fun of and thinks of a name, that sounds just like his but makes it mean because he is such an unwiped asshole. In my time, I have had a couple of these teachers. The one that reamains engrained in my memories like a designed burned in wood is Mr. Rounds. He was a portly man, who wore glasses that looked like they belonged in 1985, he combed over the 4 straglers left on his head and he had a big nose. His wardrobe was something to marvel, he wore the short sleeve nerd jerseys, or least thats what we called them. Nerd jerseys are short sleeve button down shirts, and he wore them with short ties, probably clip on. He was the type of man that probably smelled like cooked cabbage and onions, or at least looked like he did. Luckily I never got close enough to actually smell him. With a name and image like that I will let you imagine what we came up with for nicknames. Mr. Rounds was a bad teacher, there is no way around it. He entered the classroom every morning with a loud, and quite abnoxious "Good Morning Class" and we had to anwser, as a class in unison "Good morning Mr. Rounds. We are winners......" which was suppose to escape our lips with enthusiasm but usually trailed off into fits of huffs and puffs about being in science class. Needless to say, I wasnt the only one that didnt like Mr. Rounds. One time, he lost an assignment, a big assignment that I had worked my ass off on, and then, he BLAMED IT ON ME!! What kind of teacher does that, at least my mother was on my side for that one. I would say it was no big deal that he did this because most of the time I wouldnt turn in the assignment and then blame it on the teacher by telling my parents they must have lost it. But in this case, with this particular teacher, I really did turn it in. In addition to having a bad teacher, my eighth grade year, I was under the influence of bad friends. I was going through my rebellious stage, I wasnt gonna take no shit from nobody especially authority figures.
Thats all I have so far...it is suppose to make it to 1000 words, and honeslty I only think I have maybe 300 more....I dont know...maybe I will think of another time when I was in love and in love with things that vanish....what does that even mean?
So, I have an assignment due on the 29th, it is suppose to be an autobiographical sketch about a moment in my life when I was compleatly myself, when I was "in love and in love with things that vanish". I dont get that, I cant think of a single time time when I was, in love and in love with things that vanish, I dont even know what that means, to me, it doesnt mean anything, it doesnt talk to me, it doesnt reach out to me, nothing screams in my head "THIS IS WHEN YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH THINGS THAT VANISH"......it just doesnt, so... this is the best thing I can come up with at the moment.
Everybody has that teacher. The one that picks on you, the one that treats you like a little kid even though you are totally mature. The teacher that everybody makes fun of and thinks of a name, that sounds just like his but makes it mean because he is such an unwiped asshole. In my time, I have had a couple of these teachers. The one that reamains engrained in my memories like a designed burned in wood is Mr. Rounds. He was a portly man, who wore glasses that looked like they belonged in 1985, he combed over the 4 straglers left on his head and he had a big nose. His wardrobe was something to marvel, he wore the short sleeve nerd jerseys, or least thats what we called them. Nerd jerseys are short sleeve button down shirts, and he wore them with short ties, probably clip on. He was the type of man that probably smelled like cooked cabbage and onions, or at least looked like he did. Luckily I never got close enough to actually smell him. With a name and image like that I will let you imagine what we came up with for nicknames. Mr. Rounds was a bad teacher, there is no way around it. He entered the classroom every morning with a loud, and quite abnoxious "Good Morning Class" and we had to anwser, as a class in unison "Good morning Mr. Rounds. We are winners......" which was suppose to escape our lips with enthusiasm but usually trailed off into fits of huffs and puffs about being in science class. Needless to say, I wasnt the only one that didnt like Mr. Rounds. One time, he lost an assignment, a big assignment that I had worked my ass off on, and then, he BLAMED IT ON ME!! What kind of teacher does that, at least my mother was on my side for that one. I would say it was no big deal that he did this because most of the time I wouldnt turn in the assignment and then blame it on the teacher by telling my parents they must have lost it. But in this case, with this particular teacher, I really did turn it in. In addition to having a bad teacher, my eighth grade year, I was under the influence of bad friends. I was going through my rebellious stage, I wasnt gonna take no shit from nobody especially authority figures.
Thats all I have so far...it is suppose to make it to 1000 words, and honeslty I only think I have maybe 300 more....I dont know...maybe I will think of another time when I was in love and in love with things that vanish....what does that even mean?
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
What would you do?
It seems that all of my inspiration this semester is going to come from my writing class so here goes another one.
In my writing class today, we were talking about journalism, because journalism in itself is a kind of creative non-fiction. Anyway, we were suppose to have read this story by a BBC journalist named John Simpson. His story was about The Tiananmen Square Massacre in the early 90's. Im not entirely sure what the point of his story was but the point we focused on in class was should a journalist interfere with what s/he is reporting? and if so when is the time to interfere? There was a couple of different answers from around the class room, some people saying yes, others saying no, some saying it is dependent upon what the interference will do, if it will help or hinder the situation. In this particular case, John Simpson saved the life a solider the demonstrators were beating to death, he stopped a young man from killing the solider with a brick by beating his head in, a kind of death I would like to avoid at all costs. This idea of interference really got me thinking. Is it ok to interfere or should one let the events play out for the sake of history, the news, a good story, whatever the circumstances may be? I think had I been in a situation similar, watching lone soldiers being dragged out of their armed vechicle and beat to death, and not just to death but past death, once they were dead the demonstrators kept beating, until skulls cracked and brains fell out, until faces were unrecognizable, until there was nothing left but a bloody pulp of what use to be a human, I wouldnt have stopped it. My reasoning is different than for the sake of news. I wouldnt have stopped what was happening because I am a weak person, if the majority is doing it I wouldnt speak out, especially if I am the minority. I wouldnt have stopped just for fear of them turning on me. I probably never would have been there in the first place because I take the safe route. I have always taken the safe route and I will probably continue to take the safe route for the rest of my life. Living my life this way leaves me with tons of questions, what could have been? Would I have had more fun? Would the people around me have enjoyed themselves more and I contemplate all of these things until the next chance arises and I once again dont take the opportunity and end up doing it all again.....it is a vicious circle. Anyway I venture from my point. The main question I come on here to ponder, to ask hypothetically, rhetorically and literally, however you want to take it, is would you have stopped it? Would you have stopped a demonstrator from beating a solider to death? Would you have stopped filming when you saw people jumping out of the twin towers on 9/11? Would you have demanded that the helicopter pilot pick hurricane katrina surviors up? Or would you have thought this is history, news, a good story and let a solider die, watch people plundge to their deaths and leave people to die of starvation and dehydration?
It seems that all of my inspiration this semester is going to come from my writing class so here goes another one.
In my writing class today, we were talking about journalism, because journalism in itself is a kind of creative non-fiction. Anyway, we were suppose to have read this story by a BBC journalist named John Simpson. His story was about The Tiananmen Square Massacre in the early 90's. Im not entirely sure what the point of his story was but the point we focused on in class was should a journalist interfere with what s/he is reporting? and if so when is the time to interfere? There was a couple of different answers from around the class room, some people saying yes, others saying no, some saying it is dependent upon what the interference will do, if it will help or hinder the situation. In this particular case, John Simpson saved the life a solider the demonstrators were beating to death, he stopped a young man from killing the solider with a brick by beating his head in, a kind of death I would like to avoid at all costs. This idea of interference really got me thinking. Is it ok to interfere or should one let the events play out for the sake of history, the news, a good story, whatever the circumstances may be? I think had I been in a situation similar, watching lone soldiers being dragged out of their armed vechicle and beat to death, and not just to death but past death, once they were dead the demonstrators kept beating, until skulls cracked and brains fell out, until faces were unrecognizable, until there was nothing left but a bloody pulp of what use to be a human, I wouldnt have stopped it. My reasoning is different than for the sake of news. I wouldnt have stopped what was happening because I am a weak person, if the majority is doing it I wouldnt speak out, especially if I am the minority. I wouldnt have stopped just for fear of them turning on me. I probably never would have been there in the first place because I take the safe route. I have always taken the safe route and I will probably continue to take the safe route for the rest of my life. Living my life this way leaves me with tons of questions, what could have been? Would I have had more fun? Would the people around me have enjoyed themselves more and I contemplate all of these things until the next chance arises and I once again dont take the opportunity and end up doing it all again.....it is a vicious circle. Anyway I venture from my point. The main question I come on here to ponder, to ask hypothetically, rhetorically and literally, however you want to take it, is would you have stopped it? Would you have stopped a demonstrator from beating a solider to death? Would you have stopped filming when you saw people jumping out of the twin towers on 9/11? Would you have demanded that the helicopter pilot pick hurricane katrina surviors up? Or would you have thought this is history, news, a good story and let a solider die, watch people plundge to their deaths and leave people to die of starvation and dehydration?
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Staying Alive
for those of you who dont know, I am currently trying to obtain a bachelors degree in english with a focus in creative writing. My one writing class this semester is creative non-fiction. My professor's name is Dennis Covington. I think he is a beautiful writer and a very intelligent man. Interesting too. Our assignment for today was to read an exerpt from Alive. You know the story about the plane that crashes in the Andies and the guys end up eating people in order to stay alive. Anyway he asked us to write out a reponse to the part of the story we read and say what we would do if it was the same situation. My response went a little something like this:
for those of you who dont know, I am currently trying to obtain a bachelors degree in english with a focus in creative writing. My one writing class this semester is creative non-fiction. My professor's name is Dennis Covington. I think he is a beautiful writer and a very intelligent man. Interesting too. Our assignment for today was to read an exerpt from Alive. You know the story about the plane that crashes in the Andies and the guys end up eating people in order to stay alive. Anyway he asked us to write out a reponse to the part of the story we read and say what we would do if it was the same situation. My response went a little something like this:
Its easy to say I would never eat people. Im not fond of the idea but I think that if it came down to it I would. I would much rather eat a friend than a complete stranger if I could choose. I say this because I would be able to explain to my friends family why I ate their loved one. I would be able to help them understand that I did it out of utter desperation. I think it would have more closure than eating a complete stranger. If you ate a stranger lord only knows what their family would say. They might think you were a savage or dicusting person, and I would have this void in me with the lack of finality that explaining why I did it would bring. The only reason I would ever consider eating a person would be for survival and survival only. Of course there are questions that arise out of making the decision to eat people. Could I physically pull apart another human beings body? perpare it to eat? eat it raw if neccessary? The answers to all of these from a girl sitting in an air conditioned room, surrounded by intelligent, well educated people, with plenty to eat is no. From where I am now, I would say that I can not physically pick apart another person's body or cook it or eat it raw, the thought of it churns my stomach. Come to think of it, I dont even know what part of the person would be best to eat, which part, if any holds the most nutritional value so that I could eat as little people as possible. Also by eating people, am I just prolonging the enevitable? If by eating these people would I be able to ward of death long enough to be found or would I die any way? And if I did die would I be the next to be eaten by my survivors? But I think if it really came down to it, and I was stranded in the andies with nothing to eat, straving and freezing to death, I would eat the people who died around me. But really even the thought of eating bugs makes me want to puke....let alone people.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Highschool
I graduated from highschool early. I was scheduled to gradute highschool in '03 because I started my school career in 1990. However, the closer we got to 2003 the more I wanted to graduate early. The second semester of my junior year of highschool, I decided that I would graduate early. The downfall to deciding this late was that I wouldnt get to walk in May with all the other '02 graduates, I would have to attend summer school and walk in a small cermony in August of '02. I told myself that this was ok, and to be perfectly honest Im still ok with it. When asked back then why I decided to graduate early I told people that I wanted to get to college faster, I only had one actual class left to take, why waste a whole year when I could finish it in six weeks over the summer. So, I did this. I told everyone that was the reason I was leaving early and basically the only reason I was leaving early. That was a lie. There were so many reasons for me wanting to leave highschool early. Its true, I did want to be out of there and start college and all that good crap, but I also felt that to keep my new found relationship I needed to be in the same place he was. Another reason for leaving early was I had to find an end to the chaos I was experiencing.
Junior year of highschool was full of drama, betrayl, sex, lies, vicious rumors, it was my soap opera. Lets rewind to the end of sophomore year. My best friend had a crush on David our entire sophomore year, by May of '01 they were dating. I had a small crush on David but knew it was out of the question, afterall, she was my bestfriend. There was a catch to their relationship and I played an intregal part. She wasnt allowed to have a boyfriend or date according to her mother. I was the middle man. When they wanted to see each other she was "hanging out with me". She also didnt have a car, or a license and I or one of our other friends was the transportation between the two of them. I didnt mind this. She was my friend, I would have done anything to help her out. Their relationship was a summer romance. Come fall whatever had been felt had fizzled out and the relationship found its demise. Over the period of time they dated, I became friends with David and just because they were no longer talking to each other didnt meant I wanted to sevre all ties with him, so I talked to him on the sly, keeping a friendship with him while sparing the feelings of my suffering friend. Slowly but almost inevitably we gave in to the unsermounted sexual tension. I felt so conflicted because it was only a matter of time before everything came tumbling down around me, good news travels fast. I loved my friend, but I felt this sort of connection with David I had never had before. I didnt have any idea if I should tell her, or try to hide it. I went with the typicall painful, young, naive decision to hide it. Because of this decision, I lost one of my best firends. Im truly sorry for what I did to her, for not telling her myself, in my own words, Im sorry that she had to hear it from someone that wasnt me, Im truly sorry for the rift I caused between me and all of my close dear friends. But at the same time, how can I be sorry for pursuing something that in my heart I knew would work out, how can I apologize for almost 4 years of a very good, healthy relationship. Because of this conflicting feeling inside of me and all of the hateful things being said, rumors about how I was the reason the split up or how I was a big easy slut because that is the only reason he would like me. Hateful things being said behind my back and then none of the people that I thought were my friends standing up for me but instead helping the spread of the rumors caused this feeling of total loss. I had no control over the situation. I took hold of the only thing I knew how to hold. I turned to my eating habits. I suddenly lost close to 30 lbs in less that six weeks. I didnt eat breakfast, I would eat a quarter of my lunch, a salad for dinner, no snacks no soda only water and as little food as I could make it on. I dropped 6 sizes with in two months. And instead of people being concerned for my health and well being, people told me I looked good. There were a few times that people "interviened" my friends speaking out of concern at lunch when I only ate 2 bites of my sandwich but I was blind to what I was doing. I didnt think I was anorexic. I thought I was on a diet. I wasnt hungry all the time and that to me was enough of an explanation as to why I was eating so little. The biggest surprise about it was that my family were the ones who praised me the most for losing the weight and getting so skinny. In later conversations with my mom she said she thought I was just trying to look nice for David. I continued to loose weight and drop pants sizes because I still lacked control over the situation. I finally decided that graduating early would be a way to get out of the day in and day out misery that had become my life and also keep David my only saving grace. It was when I graduated early and wasnt around everyday that I learned who my true, real friends were. Very few of them kept up with me but thank god for the ones who did. I couldnt have been happier for the friendships that spawned out of such a hardening year.
Even after writing all this and explaining it to potentially the entire world, if people ask me I will still tell them that I graduated early to get started in the real wold sooner. It truly amazes me how much difference one year can make.
I graduated from highschool early. I was scheduled to gradute highschool in '03 because I started my school career in 1990. However, the closer we got to 2003 the more I wanted to graduate early. The second semester of my junior year of highschool, I decided that I would graduate early. The downfall to deciding this late was that I wouldnt get to walk in May with all the other '02 graduates, I would have to attend summer school and walk in a small cermony in August of '02. I told myself that this was ok, and to be perfectly honest Im still ok with it. When asked back then why I decided to graduate early I told people that I wanted to get to college faster, I only had one actual class left to take, why waste a whole year when I could finish it in six weeks over the summer. So, I did this. I told everyone that was the reason I was leaving early and basically the only reason I was leaving early. That was a lie. There were so many reasons for me wanting to leave highschool early. Its true, I did want to be out of there and start college and all that good crap, but I also felt that to keep my new found relationship I needed to be in the same place he was. Another reason for leaving early was I had to find an end to the chaos I was experiencing.
Junior year of highschool was full of drama, betrayl, sex, lies, vicious rumors, it was my soap opera. Lets rewind to the end of sophomore year. My best friend had a crush on David our entire sophomore year, by May of '01 they were dating. I had a small crush on David but knew it was out of the question, afterall, she was my bestfriend. There was a catch to their relationship and I played an intregal part. She wasnt allowed to have a boyfriend or date according to her mother. I was the middle man. When they wanted to see each other she was "hanging out with me". She also didnt have a car, or a license and I or one of our other friends was the transportation between the two of them. I didnt mind this. She was my friend, I would have done anything to help her out. Their relationship was a summer romance. Come fall whatever had been felt had fizzled out and the relationship found its demise. Over the period of time they dated, I became friends with David and just because they were no longer talking to each other didnt meant I wanted to sevre all ties with him, so I talked to him on the sly, keeping a friendship with him while sparing the feelings of my suffering friend. Slowly but almost inevitably we gave in to the unsermounted sexual tension. I felt so conflicted because it was only a matter of time before everything came tumbling down around me, good news travels fast. I loved my friend, but I felt this sort of connection with David I had never had before. I didnt have any idea if I should tell her, or try to hide it. I went with the typicall painful, young, naive decision to hide it. Because of this decision, I lost one of my best firends. Im truly sorry for what I did to her, for not telling her myself, in my own words, Im sorry that she had to hear it from someone that wasnt me, Im truly sorry for the rift I caused between me and all of my close dear friends. But at the same time, how can I be sorry for pursuing something that in my heart I knew would work out, how can I apologize for almost 4 years of a very good, healthy relationship. Because of this conflicting feeling inside of me and all of the hateful things being said, rumors about how I was the reason the split up or how I was a big easy slut because that is the only reason he would like me. Hateful things being said behind my back and then none of the people that I thought were my friends standing up for me but instead helping the spread of the rumors caused this feeling of total loss. I had no control over the situation. I took hold of the only thing I knew how to hold. I turned to my eating habits. I suddenly lost close to 30 lbs in less that six weeks. I didnt eat breakfast, I would eat a quarter of my lunch, a salad for dinner, no snacks no soda only water and as little food as I could make it on. I dropped 6 sizes with in two months. And instead of people being concerned for my health and well being, people told me I looked good. There were a few times that people "interviened" my friends speaking out of concern at lunch when I only ate 2 bites of my sandwich but I was blind to what I was doing. I didnt think I was anorexic. I thought I was on a diet. I wasnt hungry all the time and that to me was enough of an explanation as to why I was eating so little. The biggest surprise about it was that my family were the ones who praised me the most for losing the weight and getting so skinny. In later conversations with my mom she said she thought I was just trying to look nice for David. I continued to loose weight and drop pants sizes because I still lacked control over the situation. I finally decided that graduating early would be a way to get out of the day in and day out misery that had become my life and also keep David my only saving grace. It was when I graduated early and wasnt around everyday that I learned who my true, real friends were. Very few of them kept up with me but thank god for the ones who did. I couldnt have been happier for the friendships that spawned out of such a hardening year.
Even after writing all this and explaining it to potentially the entire world, if people ask me I will still tell them that I graduated early to get started in the real wold sooner. It truly amazes me how much difference one year can make.
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